Ehlers Danlos Syndrome
Medical-"Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is a group of disorders that affect connective tissues, which are tissues that support the skin, bones, blood vessels, and other organs. Defects in connective tissues cause the signs and symptoms of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which vary from mildly loose joints to life-threatening complications."
English- Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a genetic disorder, so you inherent from your parents (thanks Mom and Dad), that effects how the stuff that holds your entire body together is made. You are basically falling apart, it's super fun.
Medical- "Dysautonomia refers to an abnormality of function of the autonomic nervous system. There are two divisions of the autonomic nervous system: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic."
English-Dysautonomia is when the part of your nervous system that should control all of the automatic things in your body (it's sorta important) has a crap attack and decides not to do it's thing.
Gastroparesis and Dysmotility
Medical- "A condition in which muscles of the digestive system become impaired and changes in the speed, strength or coordination in the digestive organs occurs."
English-Gastroparesis and Dysmotility is when your stomach and the rest of your digestive tract decides that it doesn't want to digest things and just lets food sit there as the food slowly trudges through the uncooperative organ and you feel like you swallowed a pile of rocks. Kind of like having the stomach flu. Every.Single.Day. Also the reason I can't eat and use feeding tubes and central lines for nutrition.
Medical-"Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is an autonomic disturbance characterized by the clinical symptoms of orthostatic intolerance, mainly light‐headedness, fatigue, sweating, tremor, anxiety, palpitation, exercise intolerance and near syncope on upright posture."
English- Part of what happens when your nervous system has a crap attack (see Dysautonomia) and your blood vessels don't push blood up to your head when you stand up causing an array of wonderful symptoms which often means standing ends with laying face first on the floor.
Orthostatic Vital Signs
Medical- "Orthostatic vital signs are a series of vital signs of a patient taken while the patient is supine, then repeated sitting up, then again while standing. A variation is to check blood pressure and heart rate in supine and then standing positions only."
English- What doctors do to torture patients when they hear a patient is dizzy upon standing. This is usually how taking orthostatics plays out: Doctor- "Oh you're dizzy and feel like you will fall over when you stand up? Then lets have you stand up and take your vitals to prove it! It's a genius idea!" Me- *stands up, falls over*
Medical-"Intravenous therapy (IV therapy or iv therapy in short) is the infusion of liquid substances directly into a vein. Intravenous simply means "within vein"."
English- The latest and coolest way to get water. Who needs to drink their fluids anyway. It's also Heaven in a sterile bag for Dysautonomia patients.
Medical- "Compression stockings are a specialized hosiery, designed to help prevent the occurrence of, and guard against further progression of venous disorders. Compression stockings are elastic garments worn around the leg, compressing the limb."
English- A way to keep blood from pooling in my feet and a way to strangle my legs at the same time! Also a good way to take up ten minutes of your time whenever you want to put them on or take them off.
Medical- "Interventional radiology (IR) is an independent medical specialty, which was a sub-specialty of radiology until recently, that uses minimally invasive image-guided procedures to diagnose and treat diseases in nearly every organ system."
English- The place you go to sit in the waiting room for two hours while watching DocMcStuffins and doing coloring pages before getting taken back to a cold room where you wear a party hat so people can shove things inside you as you lay on a table listening to Pandora.
Medical- "Systemic sclerosis or systemic scleroderma is an autoimmune connective tissue disease. It is characterized by thickening of the skin caused by accumulation of collagen, and by injuries to the smallest arteries."
English- Basically the opposite of Ehlers Danlos. Also the perfect disease to have in case of a zombie apocalypse.
Hair loss from the scalp or elsewhere, which can occur in men, women, and children."
English- Mr Clean syndrome