I Can Indeed See You Staring At Me: A Primer of Staring

As my two friends and I stroll through the stores in the mall on a hot Summer day, one of them asks, "What if I stared at other people like there was something wrong with them?" You may need some more information in this situation, the three of us don't exactly look like a "normal" group of teenagers. My one friend is pushing me in my wheelchair that has my backpack which holds my tube feedings, IV nutrition, and drain bag. I have braces on my knees and a mask on my face. You could say I stand out a bit. You would think people would use their common sense and not look at me like i'm some robot-alien out of a sci-fi movie, but most people ignore their common sense and stare. The amount of people who stare at me on a daily basis used to bother me, and it still does sometimes, but now I ignore it, stare right back at them, or identify and organize them into categories for my entertainment. Now these stares I get aren't just the occasional "I think i’m being discreet and innocent glancing stare", it's often the "blatantly obvious, straight on, what is that??? stare." There are so many different types of stares used in different places and in different situations, so lets take a look at a few most common ones.

#1. The “I think i’m being discreet and innocent, glancing stare.”

Ah, one of the classics, you are all guilty of it. This stare occurs when an individual, let’s refer to them as A, spots another individual, B, who, for various reasons, stands out from society’s “normal” appearance. Person A, who tries to fulfil their curiosity in a way they believe is appropriate by slightly rotating their head by a few degrees at a time when they think person B is not looking, then moves their head slowly back to it’s original position when thought to be socially acceptable. This process is often repeated multiple times until person B has left person A’s range on vision. Here’s a little secret from somebody who is often person B in this situation: I can see you staring at me. When there are twenty people in a room all trying to perform the “I think i’m being discreet and innocent glancing stare,” chances are, more than one person will be looking at me at one time.

#2. The “blatantly obvious, straight on, what is that??? stare.”

The most common misconception about this stare is that it is mostly done by children. This stare is actually most commonly executed by grown men and women, who I am sure have acquired the proper social skills to know not to do this, but do it anyway. Stare #2 usually happens when person A swiftly detects diversity on their radar and quickly decides to ignore their instinct to be polite and perform this stare. Person A then rotates head, and sometimes even entire body, and fixes their point of origin on person B. Person A may continue the stare anywhere from 30 seconds to minutes. This stare can be the most irritating, and most amusing, for me anyway, stare of them all. I find it so ridiculous that people stare like this that I can’t help but want to go hand them a brochure titled, “Manners for the Common Idiot”, and strut away like Beyonce.

#3. The "oh my gosh I feel so bad for you stare."

Sighhhhhhhhhhh. Person A in this situation is often a teenage girl, couples with young children, or an elderly person, but usually a teenage girl. Accompanied by a look of pity, this stare happens when person A is overcome with emotion after seeing someone they believe needs to be pitied. Person A then proceeds to stare, maybe tilt their head slightly, and continue to feel bad for me until something new and maybe shiny catches their eye. Just thinking about this stare makes me want to puke.

          #4. The "what is that, whats wrong with them?!!??!?!? stare."

With a mix of curiosity and horror, person A in this situation stares without trying to hide their emotions. This stare is a more obvious one and may end with person A whispering to the people around them, causing a ripple effect of many types of stares. I really don't appreciate this stare, but I do enjoy watching people trying to figure out what is wrong with me, it is quite amusing.I get this stare the most when I'm at the beach and people are trying to figure out what the tubes coming out of me are, it's great.

   Now here's the deal, I know that human instinct drives us to new discoveries, and for many people passing me in Walmart or wherever I may be, I am their new discovery of the day. Staring is but a product of the curiosity found in discovery, but so is asking. I am not every person who has ever been gifted with the gaze of a thousand eyeballs, so I can't speak for everyone. But at least for me, if you find such deep-seated curiosity in my appearance that it feeds the raging fire of discovery in your soul, feel free to ask. I will often enjoy answering a few quick questions about the way I look and feel empowered in sharing knowledge with others, and if I don't feel like engaging, I'll shoot back with a short response that you can Google later. I would much rather that more people in this world were informed about the conditions that make me, and many others, look different than the typical person than have people stare and make assumptions.